


Whatever the Fates Allow

by Nat Taylor (nat1228)



Series: First Knight [2]
Category: Forever Knight
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-30
Updated: 2000-01-30
Packaged: 2017-12-13 04:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nat1228/pseuds/Nat%20Taylor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick realizes that he finally has a chance with Natalie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whatever the Fates Allow

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: The Forever Knight characters in this story do not belong to me. They were created by J. Parriott and B. Cohen and are owned by Sony/TriStar. No profit is being made from the posting of this piece of fan fiction. It is purely to share for the enjoyment of the fans of the show.

 

"Hi, Nick!" Tracy greeted her partner. "You're looking chipper tonight. What's up?"

Sitting, he tapped his password into the computer. "Nothing."

" **Something's** up. You never look this happy!"

"Honest, Trace. Nothing's 'up'. I'm just feeling good. Is that all right with you?"

"Yeah. Sure." The young detective scrutinized her partner. A metallic glint near the second button of his shirt caught her attention. "That's a beautiful cross. Where'd you get it?"

Fingering the golden crucifix, Nick's eyes glazed for a moment. "From a young woman--Magda--that I helped a few years back."

"Oh. Well, it's lovely."

"Thank you." He turned back to the screen, pulling up records on a pending case.

"Nick...?"

"What?" Facing his partner, he gave her his full attention.

"What happened over the New Year's weekend? Something's different. I just can't put my finger on it. As your partner, I think I have a right to know."

"You have a right to be nosy?"

"Well ... ah ... I just want to know if it's anything that's going to affect our relationship--our ability to work together. You know." Suddenly, the eraser of her pencil became enormously fascinating.

Looking thoughtful, Nick replied, "I'll tell you ... but not here. Later. Okay?"

"Yeah. Sure." She glanced at him, relieved to have gotten this far with her questioning.

Picking up the telephone, he dialed the Coroner's office. "Nat? Yeah, it's me. I was wondering ... could you stop by the loft tonight after work?"

Tracy smiled. Something was **definitely** up.

 

* * *

 

Fingering the crucifix gracing his neck, Natalie looked thoughtful. "You've come a long way in just a few short days. I remember a time when just touching a cross burned you. Now you're wearing one."

Nick beamed. "I know. Amazing, isn't it?"

"Absolutely! So, what does this mean ... for us?" Gazing out the window, she watched the snow fall gently on the city streets.

Standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. "I don't know, but I'd like to find out." He rested his chin on her shoulder and followed her gaze.

The new year was only a week old, yet it felt as though an eternity had passed. On New Year's Eve, Nick had almost died, but through a miracle he had regained his faith and received absolution. She had been excited by the possibilities, but he had seemed subdued, introspective, and she had given him his space. Then, unexpectedly, he had invited her over to talk.

Guiding her to the light and warmth of the fireplace, he pulled her down beside him on the couch. For several long moments, he looked deeply into her liquid-blue eyes. Then a hand brushed her cheek in a soft caress. "I don't know where to start."

"The beginning's always a good place." She smiled up at him. "What have you been doing this week?"

"Thinking about what happened. Trying to figure out what it all means." Dropping his hands into his lap, he examined his fingertips. "I'm free, Nat." He raised his eyes to meet hers. "There's no more guilt, no worry. I'm not sure how to respond to that."

"With joy?" Wrapping her hands around his, she squeezed gently. "You've been given the most wondrous gift a man can receive. Now you have to go live your life accordingly. You need to learn to trust again ... to love."

"To love you?"

"I don't know. That's up to you." Her intent look bore into his very soul ... his newly rediscovered soul.

"I care for you, Nat. You know that."

Her eyes clouded. "Like a sister?"

"No. More than that. More than I've been able to allow myself to feel."

A smile lit her face and her eyes regained their sparkle. "That's a start."

Their conversation was cut short by the rumble of the elevator. Turning, the couple watched as the door slid open and Lacroix strode into the room.

"Good evening, Nicholas ... Dr. Lambert."

"I think that's my cue to leave." Natalie stood and took a few steps toward the exit.

"Don't hurry off on my account." Handing her coat to her as she passed, he allowed a small grin to crease his features.

Jumping up, Nick sped across the room to intercept her. "Nat, wait! Don't go!" Grabbing her arm, he turned her to face him. "We need to talk."

"We can finish our conversation later. You need to talk to your 'father'." Raising up on her toes, she kissed him on the forehead. "Call me." She disappeared into the elevator, leaving them alone.

 

* * *

 

Seating himself in the chair by the fireplace, Lacroix steepled his fingers. "So, Nicholas ... talk to me."

"What is it you want me to say?"

Reaching across to where his son had settled himself on the couch, he fingered the golden chain, carefully avoiding the crucifix. "Tell me what all this means to you."

Nick stared into the snapping flames of the fireplace. "It means I'm no longer damned. It means I have another chance."

"Yes. Yes." Lacroix waved his hands in dismissal. "But are you going to continue your ridiculous search for a cure?"

Silence blanketed the room. When his son spoke, even the elder vampire had to strain to hear. "There is no cure."

"What?"

"You heard me. I said, 'there is no cure'. There never was." He turned to his maker. "You knew that, didn't you?"

"I've been trying to tell you for centuries, but you wouldn't listen."

"I know better now." Sighing heavily, Nick returned his gaze to the fire. "I'm giving up my search. There's no future in pursuing it. I must accept what I am and move on."

"I knew you would come around eventually." A smug grin graced the elder's lips. "It was only a matter of time."

"Don't think you've won, Lacroix," his son snapped. "I'm no longer yours. I do **not** intend to come back to you."

"Whatever the Fates allow, Nicholas. Time will tell. Time will tell."

The pair sat in silence, each wrapped in his own thoughts. After several minutes, Nick looked over at his maker. "I intend to use my powers for good. I'm not ready to leave this life. I'm staying."

"You realize that your time here is growing short. One year. Two at most. People will start noticing you don't age."

"I'll take what time I have, then move on."

"And take the lovely Dr. Lambert with you?"

Rubbing his left ring finger with his thumb, he answered, "If God is willing...."

 

* * *

 

"Give it up, Nick."

Eyes wide, the detective looked at his partner. "What?"

Cruising around in the vintage Caddy, the pair scoured the city for anything out of the ordinary. Nightly patrols of the street had become a pleasant escape from the paperwork pending back at the precinct.

"You promised to tell me what the heck is going on." Tracy gave her reticent partner her best no-nonsense look. "Are you 'born again'? Is that what the cross means?"

Nick hesitated, his eyes locked on the road. "Something like that. Yeah."

"That's **great**! I'm really happy for you!" The perky detective's enthusiasm rubbed off on her partner. He smiled.

They drove in silence for a few blocks before she turned to him again. "So?"

"What?"

"You are **so** frustrating!" Slapping him on the shoulder, she turned to stare out the window. Her eyes glazed over and her anger drained. "I really wish you'd take me seriously--treat me like an equal. I feel like I've been playing second fiddle to a ghost for years now. Won't you please let me in?"

Pulling over to the curb, he turned to her. "You're right. I haven't been up front with you, and I **have** been holding you at arms' length." She turned to him, her interest piqued. "I'm sorry. Really I am. It's just that there have been so many things going on in my life. I hardly know where to start."

"Can you tell me what happened New Year's Eve?"

Sighing, he turned to her. "To tell you that, I'd have to tell you something I've been keeping from you since the day we met." Her silent gaze encouraged him to continue. "I'm a vampire, Trace." His voice was barely above a whisper.

It took several seconds for the words to penetrate. "You're a **WHAT**?" Suddenly becoming very animated, she touched the cross at his neck. "You can't be! How could you wear that cross? Look, Nick, I **know** vampires.... You just can't be!"

"The cross is part of what happened on New Year's Eve. I was with Natalie at the 'First Night' celebration downtown when I heard a girl scream. I went to investigate. She was being attacked by another vampire. We fought. He staked me and escaped."

Tracy's jaw had hit her chest. Closing her mouth, she swallowed hard. "What happened?"

"I nearly died. If it hadn't been for Nat and Lacroix, I wouldn't be here today. I had a near death experience. I saw Don Schanke."

"Your partner before me? The one that was killed in the plane crash?"

"Yeah. He came as my 'guide'--the one who shows me my life, allows me to make decisions regarding the dispensation of my soul. He showed me things I thought I'd long left behind. He convinced me that I wasn't hopeless, that I could be free of my sin ... and here I am. Forgiven. Redeemed. Still a vampire."

"But ... I don't understand...."

"Neither do I--not completely, anyway. All I know is I have a new start. A new life. I plan to use it to help as many as I can."

"Then you're staying with the police force?"

"For a year or two. I'll need to move on soon, before people start to notice that I'm not aging."

"I should be really pissed, you know?" He looked at her quizzically. "You know Vachon, don't you?"

"Yes."

"You know he's a vampire?

"Yes."

"You knew this all along. You **knew** I knew about the existence of your kind. You **knew** I was keeping Vachon's secret ... even from you ... but you wouldn't trust me with yours."

"It was for your own safety, Trace. Think about it. Vachon didn't give me away, either. The fewer of us you know, the less danger you're in."

"I'm a big girl, Nick! I can take care of myself."

"I'm not sure you're quite ready to take on the entire vampire community."

She snorted. "Does Natalie know?"

"Yes. She's been helping me to find a cure for my vampirism--to make me mortal again."

"Oh, great! You can tell Natalie, endanger her, but you wouldn't tell me?"

"I didn't have much choice. I was blown away by a pipe bomb back in 1990 and brought into the morgue. I woke up on her autopsy table. My condition was a little hard to cover up or explain away ... and Natalie turned out to be a resister. She offered her help. I accepted."

"And now?"

"Now there's a chance for us, but I'm still a vampire and I know now that will never change."

"How sad." A tear glistened in the young detective's eye as the futility of her partner's quest sank in.

"Can you forgive me? Will you let me continue to be your partner and mentor?"

"Sure, Nick. If there's one thing I've learned about being around vampires ... life is never dull!"

The pair laughed, breaking the solemn mood that had fallen over the Caddy.

A muffled scream broke the silence of the night. Immediately, the two detectives were out of the car and headed for a nearby alley. Plastering themselves against the brick walls to either side of the entrance, they peered into the gloom, guns at the ready.

"Cover me," Nick whispered.

"Why you? You don't need to protect me," his partner argued.

"Bullets can't hurt **me**. Remember?"

"Oh. Yeah." She turned to follow him down the dark corridor, watching his back like an experienced officer.

The scuffling grew louder. Out of the dimness, Tracy saw a pair of glowing yellow eyes. Involuntarily, she gasped.

Nick leaped forward, tackling the vampire in this moment of distraction. They tumbled to the ground, fangs flashing, hands at each others' throats. Tracy grabbed the paralyzed victim and dragged her from the alley.

"You okay?" she asked the young woman.

Shaking with the remnants of her adrenaline rush, the victim nodded.

Tracy wrapped her jacket around the woman's shoulders and led her to the Caddy. "Maybe you'd like to sit for a minute. What's your name?"

"Vicki."

"Well, Vicki, I just so happen to have a thermos of coffee here. Want some?"

While his partner was handling the victim, Nick continued his struggle with the vampire perpetrator. As he felt his strength begin to fail him, his attacker was lifted away. Stumbling, he slammed up against the hard bricks of the alley wall. He stared in amazement at Lacroix, who held his attacker pinned to the opposite wall.

"This is the one who attacked you at the lake." It wasn't a question.

Taking a closer look, Nick nodded. "Yes, he's the one." Lacroix's grip on the vampire's neck became tighter. The captive clawed at the arm holding him suspended above the alley, to no avail. His struggles didn't even cause his ancient captor to blink. "I will kill him for what he has done to you."

"No! Wait! Lacroix, don't. Please." He walked closer to the captive. "He's the reason I was saved. If he hadn't sent me to that place between life and death, I wouldn't be free today."

"All the more reason." Tightening his grip on his helpless prey, Lacroix shook him.

"No! Please." Laying a hand on his maker's arm, Nick implored him. "I want to forgive him. I **must** forgive him."

"Forgive him in the next life!" A twist of his arm resulted in a cracking sound. The vampire slumped to the ground, temporarily vulnerable with a broken neck. Moments later, Lacroix rammed a makeshift stake through his heart.

"NO-ooooo...." Sinking, Nick knelt beside the rogue. "You didn't have to do this!" He tugged at the embedded piece of lumber.

Grabbing him by the shoulders, Lacroix pulled his son off the body. "Leave him. He's better off dead. Your precious **mortals** are better off without him, too."

Reluctantly, the younger vampire allowed himself to be led away.

 

* * *

 

The sun had risen on another glorious January day in Toronto. Sliding the elevator door open, Natalie walked into the dark cavern Nick called his home.

"Nick?" She made her way around furniture by feel, working across the floor to the fireplace--the only source of light in the room. "Are you here?"

A moan from the couch caught her attention. Peering over the back cushions, she spied her quarry. Surrounded by empty wine bottles, he sprawled half-on, half-off the the piece of furniture.

"Oh, Nick...." She walked around to the front, pushing bottles out of her way. "I thought we were past this." A note of fear sang in her heart as she noticed the crucifix in a tangle on the floor. She bent over to pick it up. "What's the matter?"

He sat up with a swiftness that startled her. Golden eyes and flashing fangs showed the extent to which he had overindulged. "Nothing's changed! Nothing!"

"What do you mean? Of course things have changed. **Everything** has changed." She reached out to put a hand on his arm, but it was knocked away.

"You're wrong. Someone died last night, because of me. Nothing's changed. I still have a death against me. It's my fault. It's **always** my fault!" A bottle crashed down on the coffee table, shattering into glittering bits of razor-sharp glass.

"He was a rogue vampire. He was killing young women.... He hurt **you**." She attempted to approach him once more and was allowed a seat on the couch. "I know killing is wrong, but sometimes it's necessary. This wasn't your fault. You didn't kill him."

Taking his hand, she uncurled his fingers, dropping the crucifix into his palm. "See? It doesn't burn. I know you wanted to forgive him, Nick. God knows. Now you have to forgive Lacroix. You have to learn to forgive **yourself**."

Bringing the cross to his lips, he kissed it, then curled his fingers around it once more. "I don't know if I can," he whispered.

"You can. I have faith."

His shoulders shook as blood tears began to well in his eyes. Pulling him against her, she let him cry on her shoulder. Stroking her fingers through sweat-dampened hair, she consoled him.

Hours later, she awoke in his bed. Alone.

 

* * *

 

Striding across the hardwood floors of the Raven, Nick approached the bar. "We have to talk," he told Lacroix, who stood lounging against the rail, watching the occupants of the club dance to the pounding beat of the music.

"Talk." The elder vampire shrugged off the immediacy of his son's request.

"Alone. Please." The younger took his maker's arm and began guiding him toward the back room. Curiosity piqued, Lacroix allowed himself to be led.

The relative quiet of the back room surrounded them. "Well?" Impatience tinged the master vampire's voice.

"I'm sorry," his son began. "I've been a fool. I know you had my best interests at heart when you killed that rogue. It was best for the community and for the city. Thank you."

"Oh, my, my. You **have** changed, haven't you?" His lips curved up in amusement. "It was nice of you to come around to my way of thinking."

"It's more than that, Lacroix. I forgive **you**. All of it." He circled the room, studying its contents.

"Forgive **me**? Whatever for?"

"All the things for which I ever blamed you. For bringing me across. For controlling my life. For hounding me and following me all these years. For just being ... you." He smiled. "You were just being a protective father. I understand that now. **Overprotective** , perhaps, but you meant well."

"And why are you admitting this to me now?"

"The Bible teaches forgiveness. Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of ourselves. You no long control me. As I've stepped out of that existence, I can see it better for what it was. I want us to continue to be friends.... Perhaps more than friends."

Lacroix watched in silence as his son passed through the curtain into the noisy club beyond.

 

* * *

 

"Where were you?" Natalie asked as Nick walked into the autopsy room. "I woke up, in your bed, alone. Last thing I remember, we were on the couch."

"I went to the Raven. I needed to talk with Lacroix."

"And?"

"I forgave him."

"Good. Good! Have you forgiven yourself?"

"I think so. I'm trying."

"Great! You're making progress." She eyed the golden crucifix which was once more suspended around his neck. "So what's with the bed thing?"

"You were wonderful, Nat. Just what I needed when I was feeling my worst. You fell asleep holding me. I thought about what you'd said, and knew I needed to talk with Lacroix. I had to get that off my chest in order to continue on. I took you upstairs so you could sleep more comfortably. I hope you didn't mind?"

"Oh no! Not at all! It just left me thinking. That's all."

"About what?"

"About us. Has anything changed? Do we have a future?"

"I'm still a vampire, Nat. It's too dangerous. I care about you too much. I can't take the chance of hurting you."

"What are you drinking now ... cow?"

"No, I've switched to pig. It tastes a lot closer to human, but still without the guilt." He grinned.

"Well, I know something even better." She held up a blood bag. "Donated human blood. All the nutrition, none of the guilt."

Hesitating, he glanced at the bag before turning his eyes on her. "I don't know. It's still human."

"Your natural food. It would make you stronger, allow you to control the beast. Aren't I right?"

"Yes ... I suppose you are. But...."

"But, nothing! Hospitals and the Red Cross throw away out-dated blood daily. There's more than enough to feed one 'vegetarian' vampire." She chuckled at her own bad joke. "When people donate blood, they're doing it because they know it saves lives. They want to be a part of the miracle blood can bring ... and get cookies and punch, of course." Nick chuckled despite himself. "When hospitals dispose of old blood, the donor's gift is wasted. You wouldn't want that, would you? If you drank it, it would still be sustaining life, doing what the donor intended."

"I'm sure donors don't **intend** to feed a vampire," he countered.

"No. I'm sure they don't. But you have to admit it's an awful waste.... You have my blessing, Nick. Surely with your money and connections, you can secure a reliable and steady source." He hesitated once more. "It would help us be together. I'm sure God wouldn't mind this use of the gift of life." She handed him the blood bag.

Squeezing the ruby liquid into his mouth through the attached tubing, his face mellowed with pleasure and his cheeks pinked up. "See? This is what you need. You'll no longer be too weak to fight off other vampires. You'll have the strength and speed you need to save the lives you've dedicated yourself to. And," she reached up to caress his cheek with her fingers, "you'll have the control you need for us to be together." Leaning in, she brushed her lips against his, kissing him lightly.

"Ewwww!" She backed off a pace. "Blood breath!" They both broke out in uncontrolled laughter, tears of release streaming down their cheeks.

Once they had both recovered, Nick took her by the shoulders. "I want this to work, Nat," he said, his blue eyes boring into her very soul, "but we have to take it slow. Baby steps. Do you understand? Until I know how much control I have, we'll have to be careful."

"Yes. I understand. I'll be satisfied with whatever God allows us to have."

"Whatever the Fates allow," Nick muttered, recalling Lacroix's words.

"What?" She hadn't quite heard him.

"It's nothing." He smiled. "Nothing matters, now that we have a chance."

 

**THE END**


End file.
